Wanted to offer up and update on what’s been going on. The family and I are in Austin and it’s turned out to be the best move. Comedy scene is killer, family is happy. I’ve been spending a lot of time in LA and have a new manager, John Schneider (Rob Schneider’s brother) that’s been helping me with a lot of different projects. Since the beginning of the year I’ve finished up the movie Rob asked me to write and we’re collaborating on his new television series. I can’t tell you exactly what it’s about but let me just say this: I don’t know. I’m just kidding, I think it’s going to be really good.
I got back from the APCA Northeast College conference yesterday and it was an absolute blast. I look forward to visiting all the schools that booked me and also some of the other ones that didn’t whether they like it or not in the next couple semesters. The funniest thing I did while I was there was when a drunk comedian after my showcase said to me, “I don’t normally give other comedians advice about they’re set….” and I said, “That’s great news.” and walked away. I hope I didn’t miss anything good.
Dexter, our Bernese Mountain Dog is doing well although he complains about the heat a lot. By complains I mean he has trouble breathing. Maybe somebody shouldn’t wear their winter coat everyday idiot.
I’ve added a lot of dates to the calendar, and am excited to head back to Montreal, Detroit and Boston before the end of the year. I’ve also got a lot of Carnival Cruises on the books, great gigs and I always get a lot of writing done. By writing I mean eating. Also I am beyond excited to be back in Rochester at The Comedy Club June 20-22. (And Turning Stone June 19).
I love gambling and was reminded recently of something I did back in my “crazy drinking days” back in the early part of 2013, where I was at a blackjack table and after a particularly bad beat I said the F word. The pit boss told me that after 3 F bombs I would be thrown out. I said the F word again exactly where it belonged after the dealer hit on 20, got a 2, then drew another card and got a negative 1 for 21. That didn’t happen but I’m exaggerating for effect. The Pit Boss reminded me “3 F words and then your kicked out.” At which point I asked him how many “C” words I was allotted. If you ever play this joke they give you a personal escort immediately back up to your room. I went back up to my room and came back 30 minutes later in a disguise. A hat and glasses. By mistake I sat at the exact same table and ordered the exact same drink. The same guy escorted the disguised me back up to my room shortly there after. Thank you good night!
So, I will be officially relocating to Austin, TX mid March, they have a killer comedy scene and I’m excited to be a part of it. I also heard it has a very warm climate and when you cross the border they hand everyone in your family a shotgun.
I am still adding some stand-up dates but am headed to LA at the end of Feb. for a few weeks to work on Rob Schneider’s new tv show… we are also finishing up a movie we are writing together and he will be starring in… if it all goes like it should!
I’ve added some dates in Vegas, Canada, and also a weekend of shows in Rochester mid-June. I’m trying to go with a “really hot climate” then “really cold climate” type of a theme and it seems to be working for me. Details to come as it gets closer.
As far as personal goals this year I would like to learn to swim really well. Lifting weights is fun but doesn’t help you if you fall out of a boat. A friend of mine told me yesterday he wants to do an Ironman. I don’t even know how to iron so I was very impressed. He said it was a full marathon followed by cycling… then that’s all I heard because I followed someone walking by with a tray of drinks they looked to be giving away. I also recently picked up a nice pair of biking pants, I don’t plan on biking but wish everyone could see my penis.
I hope everyone had as good of a Valentine’s day as Hallmark did.
I am super psyched (sorry for the high school lingo but this is going to be mint!) to be opening for Patton Oswalt Sat. September 22nd. Anyone who doesn’t know who Patton is he’s one of the funniest most original comics of our time. Any kids reading this he was the voice of the main rat from Ratatouille.
Last year I did some sketches with a group of amazing comics including Chad Daniels, Greg Warren, Isaac Witty, Henry Phillips, Nikki Glaser, Auggie Smith. The sketches are now in rotation starting this week on Sirius/XM Radio’s Blue Collar Channel. The group has a name but I forgot it.
Hey, I hope you enjoyed the Superbowl. I think the Buffalo Bills should sign that polar bear that caught that coke bottle pass. I also feel bad for Polar Bears as some of them are endangered while others have they’re SAG cards. It’s not fair. In other news The Rob Schneider sitcom is doing very well in the ratings so I’m really happy for him. We is bringing me with him to the Louisville Improv this weekend so that should be a lot of fun. I also worked with John Pinnette for the first time at a theater in Redding, PA last weekend and he’s a GREAT comic, did like 90 minutes killing, and was a super nice guy. Looks like I’ll be doing some more dates with him later this year if it works out.
It’s Christmas almost, man time flies when you are often blacked out. I will be at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY Dec 22 and 23rd for three shows.
As many, some or none of you know I flew out to LA to work on my friend Rob Schneider’s CBS pilot earlier this year. The show has been revamped and recast since the original pilot and it looks awesome. ”Rob!” with begin airing Thursday January 12th on CBS. Here’s a short promo:
I feel like I made a break through with the unicycling. Today Charlie and I went out for a pretty long ride. I still need to hold onto something to get on the uni, and fall off often, but for goodness sake it only has one wheel. I rode past a group of kids today on my street, they were probably 11 or 12 and they actually applauded as I passed by. Moments later, Charlie drove his mechanical jeep into my wheel and sent me hurling over the hood. They clapped for that too so who knows. Then I overheard one of them say “I want to get one of those” but I wasn’t sure if he meant a unicycle, a mechanical jeep or a dad that embarrasses himself.
First of all before I start, Dog-Lady (a frequent guest of the morning show) who brings in unwanted dogs from Lollipop farm for us to adopt out to accepting families and/or underground dog-fighting outfits, just remarked that Brother Wease’s new tattoo was “not bad.” I’m not sure that’s the compliment you want to hear when you permanently stamp something to your skin.
Anyway, we just did a story about a cop in Ft. Lauderdale who was undercover at a Massage Parlor, sent in to see if there was any sort of “illegal activity” going on. How long of a line do you have to wait in to get this job? Rub and tug undercover guy? On a good day you get a hand zinger and an arrest!? Anyway some folks are angry at this gentleman because he apparently got a good 40 minutes massage before busting the chic. And I say he absolutely did the right thing. You can’t blow your cover! It’s not called a happy beginning. Leave this man alone.