Real Rob- LA, (the show I wrote with Rob Schneider and Patricia Schneider (and play Rob’s assistant in) is wrapping in two weeks and I’ll be back to doing shows again and reintroducing myself to my amazing family. It’s been an amazing experience and surreal to see so much hard work turning into such an amazing show! I’m looking forward to a trip to NYC in August to do the new Gotham Live Television show on AXS TV August 14th, then I’ll be appearing on my favorite radio show Ron and Fez August 15th, with an appearance that night on Fox News Redeye.
Check my schedule for new dates and get some rest everyone.
Rob Schneider is returning to series television, this time on his own terms. In a endeavor he hopes “shakes up Hollywood”, the actor-comedian is self-financing and starring in an eight-episode independently produced comedy series he co-wrote with his wife, Mexican writer-producer Patricia Azarcoya Schneider, who will co-star on the show, and his friend, comedian Jamie Lissow.
“I want to do my own Fawlty Towers,” said Rob Schneider, referring to the popular British sitcom, which John Cleese co-wrote and starred in with his then-wife Connie Booth. Like his 2012 comedy Rob on CBS, where his wife was played by a professional actress, the new show will be loosely based on Schneider’s life. But the similarities end there. Rob, which is the subject of a joke in the pilot of the new series, was a traditional multi-camera, multi-generational sitcom about a guy, his Mexican wife and his in-laws. As the title of the new series, Real Rob, indicates, it is a more honest portrayal of “an exaggerated version of my life,” Schneider said. “I’m not afraid to expose aspects of my life; this is close to the bone.” The single-camera, documentary-style half-hour is edgier, geared to cable networks. It centers on Rob, playing a version of himself, his Mexican wife Patricia, also playing herself, Rob’s incompetent assistant whom he cannot fire because he is his friend, and Rob’s personal stalker.
The narrative is punctuated by Schneider doing stand-up bits in the vein of FX’s Louie and the early years of Seinfeld. The Schneiders and Lissow have written all eight scripts. Casting of the remaining roles is underway with filming slated to begin March 3 in Los Angeles (exteriors) and Florida’s Full Sail University studio facilities (interiors).
As an independent production, Real Rob is being made for less than a network show by keeping costs down. “The biggest expense on Rob was Rob Schneider, and we managed to cut that cost down to zero,” quipped Schneider, who is not getting paid for his services. To mount a series production without the backing of a studio, the Schneiders have relied on help from friends. Schneider is footing most of the bill as “the majority shareholder on the show” — “I’m putting my money where my mouth is,” he said — but he also has silent financial partners. Also helping out are veteran casting director and former Disney head of casting Marcia Ross, who is doing the casting, and Mexican cinematographer Carlos Hidalgo Valdes, who is behind the camera. Everyone is getting paid below their regular rate but “we will all share in success,” Schneider said. He’s already in discussions with potential international distributors and plans to take the series out to U.S. networks like FX, HBO and Showtime, plus Netflix, when production is completed, though he also is open to non-traditional online distribution.
After 25 years in the Hollywood system and two network sitcoms – Men Behaving Badly and Rob – why is Schneider taking an independent route with Real Rob? For starters, he is not fond of pilot season and the pressures of always thinking about advertisers and living and dying by ratings and lead-in retention. As for creative interference, “I always felt that I didn’t mind the notes from the networks and the studios though I didn’t always find them to be helpful,” he said. Schneinder’s name is on the show, and he wanted to be the one making the calls. “I feel like I’ve got a good handle on what’s funny,” he said. Schneider compares himself to fellow comedy actor Tyler Perry who, also disillusioned with the traditional network model, opted to take an independent path with what is now known as the 10-90, Debmar-Mercury or Tyler Perry model. “They’ll call this the Rob Schneider model,” Schneider said.
The Saturday Night Live alum hopes he is opening the door for others. “If I pull this off, other actors are going to realize that they can go around the networks and studios and get their shows out to the public,” he said. “This is an important step in artists controlling their own destiny.”
Happy New Year to everyone except for people who eat bologna sandwiches on airplanes sitting next to me at 8am you know who you are sir.
A lot of cool stuff is going on!
First of all someone is inventing contact lenses that you wear and when someone speaks a different language to you, it’s subtitled in your language. Turns out I wasted four years taking French classes.
Second of all, I did some work on an animated kid’s movie for Lionsgate called Norm of the North, starring Rob Schneider and Ken Jeong (from The Hangover) , and last week I got to go in and record my part. The movie is slated to be released January of 2015. Those contact lenses will probably be available by then.
Thirdly, my least favorite gluten free things are the people that do the diet and then tell me about it. I work out and eat a good diet every day and you don’t see me subtly trying to find ways to mention it. As a matter of fact I did 100 chin-ups today but I have no problem just keeping that to myself.
Fourthly, or forth, whichever seems more appropriate we will be in pre-production in mid-February and will start shooting Rob Schneider’s new TV show Real Rob on March 3rd in LA. I had to cancel some shows, sorry to those involved. But I was able to keep a few that coincided with Rob’s stand-up schedule.
I’ll be starting a college tour of “schools you can’t physically drive to” on Jan 19th in Valdez, AK. The tour also ends there in Valdez. My flight has a layover on that island where Tom Hanks met Wilson. Stop by if you have a float plane. I then head for shows in Fairbanks, Alaska January 21-25, then on to Dr. Grins in Grand Rapids, MI. Jan 30-Feb 1, and The Comedy Club in Rochester March 13-15.
This summer I’ll be doing more dates including TX, PA, Washington, a return to AK and headlining the Laugh Factory at the Tropicana in Vegas. I’ll put up the details when it gets closer.
Lastly, I think I’m getting old. After a show last weekend a young kid was telling me how I should go downstairs to the dance club below the club with him and all his friends and they would buy me drinks. Then he said some more stuff but I didn’t hear him because I just started imagining how great it was going to feel to put my sweatpants on when I got back to my hotel room.
I also find that when I was younger a buddy would say “dude you got to try this..” pill, drink, whatever, “it will mess you up!” Now my friends call me and say “Dude you got to try these pro-biotics they will set you straight!” I like getting old. In fact, I would make this post longer but it’s almost 7pm and I have to go to sleep.
Having a good time in LA working on the Rob Schneider show. We are almost finished writing all the episodes and looks like we will be shooting in Feb. I’ve been performing at The Laugh Factory in Hollywood quite a bit and it’s been motivating watching such great comics perform and has really made me step up my game. In fact this year I plan to drop all the dick jokes I’ve been doing and replace them all with brand new dick jokes. Maybe not all of them. We’ll see.
I’m actually headed home to Austin to hang with the family for the weekend. I read the other day that the cost of raising a child is $300,000 from birth to their 18th birthday. That seems very expensive. But they say that it’s a worthwhile investment because you don’t want to die alone. But wouldn’t you technically not be dying alone since you would have the $300,000? You are really just trading dying with your kids surrounding you, to dying with the newest iPad and a motorcycle. I’m just saying it’s something worth thinking about.
I heard a quote that really rang true to me today while sitting at the elite Alaska Airlines lounge. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, the only reason I’m even in here is that I paid extra to not be like or around the other regular people at the airport. Anyway, a man was trying to dispense a latte from an automated coffee machine and it was broken and wouldn’t work. The quote the man said when he faced this plight was something I’m going to remember next time I’m in a similar situation. He looked at the machine and loudly yelled “This is fucking bullshit!” Well, said, sir. I think it’s important to take a minute and realize how lucky we are in this country. If getting your free coffee within two seconds is the worst part of your day then I think you are having a pretty good day. There are some countries that don’t even have these machines and you have to go to Starbucks. This sounds crazy but some third world countries only have a Coffee Beanery. In truth, the man he may have been angry that I had gotten the very last cup of coffee from the machine, and then punched the front of it, rendering it useless. But either way I’m glad I had the opportunity to learn this morning.
Until next time,
For the next three months I’ll be mostly in LA writing and shooting Rob Schneider’s new show “Real Rob”. We have a deal to make 13 episodes not exactly sure yet where it will end up but not too concerned with that at this point. I’m a writer/creator on the series and also play Rob’s assistant, I’m excited for this opportunity but nervous I do not have the proper clothing to fit in in Los Angeles.
By the way, you know you’ve been gone too much when you’re kid calls the iPad “Dad.”
I’ll be taking a couple breaks to do Calgary and Montreal in hopes of having some great shows and also possibly losing a nipple to frostbite. Rob and I may do some dates as well. I also look forward to performing at the APCA college conference in Houston, TX at the end of October and am hoping to book a bunch of schools before they realize how old I am.
Added some clubs for 2014 including Rochester! I will update the schedule soon.
Lots going on..
Will be back on Fox News Redeye this WED night/Thursday morning. Sweet.
I woke up this morning and it was so hot my balls were on Kayak.com booking a trip to Alaska.
The Rob Schneider Pilot for “Real Rob” is getting good feedback and is still out there being pitched, I have a big role in the pilot so fingers crossed!
I discovered today that when someone says they’ve been “researching” something, they just mean they’ve been “googling” it.
I’m putting together some Northeast College Dates if you’d like to see me at your school around these dates email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll get you in touch with the right folks, looking forward to coming back out east!
- September 5: University of Las Vegas (Nevada)
- September 6: Lebenon Valley College (Annville, PA)
- September 7: Clarkson College (Potsdam, NY)
- September 8: Niagra University (NY)
I’m also looking forward to putting together a Southeast tour after performing
October 25-26 at the APCA College Conference in Houston, TX.
It was so hot today I saw the devil with one of those hand held fans.
I also added these club dates:
- October 8-13: Comedy Cave (Calgary, Canada)
- November 14-16: Comedy Nest (Montreal, Canada)
- January 21-25: Comedy Week (Fairbanks, AK)
- January 30-Feb 1: Dr. Grins (Grand Rapids, MI)
It was so hot today I thought these were all great jokes.
I’m headed back to LA tonight to work on Rob’s Show, I’m also going to be adding some dates to the calendar where I’ll be opening for him.
I’m sitting in the New Orleans airport which is so expensive I bought a cup of coffee, looked at the receipt and immediately filed rape charges. Then I remembered I had asked for it.
Fox News Redeye still scheduled for July 23rd of next week.
I miss Game of Thrones.
Spoiler Alert: If the car your driving has a spoiler, you are a douche bag.
I recorded a new family friendly 70 minute CD called #2 Dad. It will be available soon. I recorded it at The Comedy Club in Rochester, NY.
The internet connection in this airport is so slow I went to facebook.com and myspace came up.
I know I still haven’t updated my schedule. Maybe I will do that now but probably not.
That’s all I got. I’m tired.
I’ll be returning to my favorite Fox News show- Redeye July 23rd and August 14th. It’s been a while so I’m excited to see Greg and the boys in NYC. I’ll be doing some jokes and pretending I know something about politics.
I’m headed to LA on July 4th for a week to finish up the script for Rob’s new show, it has some solid interest from a few different channels so looking forward to seeing where this goes. I’ll be playing his dim-witted assistant in the pilot- so really just being myself.
Austin is going well, although it is very hot. Yesterday someone actually said to me “you can fry eggs on the sidewalk there if you want to!”, which is silly because although it is quite warm, most people also have stoves surrounded by air conditioning and also then you could eat the eggs.
I’m going to be trying to stay in town a bit more and do some auditions as I just signed with a talent agency in Austin that I really like. It sounds like there’s a lot of commercial work and independent movies happening in and around Austin so I’d like to try to get involved in that over the next few months.
My son Charlie has just started Tai Kwon Do, which he loves but the last time I asked him to clean his room he kicked me in the neck and I woke up a week later. Briar is doing all the normal girl stuff like playing with princesses and barbies and such so it’s pretty awesome. When I get home I may replace barbie’s dreamhouse with a smaller apartment-like dwelling so her expectations aren’t too high when she gets out there in the real world.
I’ve added some dates to the calendar but can’t bring myself to update it right now. I hope everyone is having a good summer and I hope to see you in your town sometime.
Wanted to offer up and update on what’s been going on. The family and I are in Austin and it’s turned out to be the best move. Comedy scene is killer, family is happy. I’ve been spending a lot of time in LA and have a new manager, John Schneider (Rob Schneider’s brother) that’s been helping me with a lot of different projects. Since the beginning of the year I’ve finished up the movie Rob asked me to write and we’re collaborating on his new television series. I can’t tell you exactly what it’s about but let me just say this: I don’t know. I’m just kidding, I think it’s going to be really good.
I got back from the APCA Northeast College conference yesterday and it was an absolute blast. I look forward to visiting all the schools that booked me and also some of the other ones that didn’t whether they like it or not in the next couple semesters. The funniest thing I did while I was there was when a drunk comedian after my showcase said to me, “I don’t normally give other comedians advice about they’re set….” and I said, “That’s great news.” and walked away. I hope I didn’t miss anything good.
Dexter, our Bernese Mountain Dog is doing well although he complains about the heat a lot. By complains I mean he has trouble breathing. Maybe somebody shouldn’t wear their winter coat everyday idiot.
I’ve added a lot of dates to the calendar, and am excited to head back to Montreal, Detroit and Boston before the end of the year. I’ve also got a lot of Carnival Cruises on the books, great gigs and I always get a lot of writing done. By writing I mean eating. Also I am beyond excited to be back in Rochester at The Comedy Club June 20-22. (And Turning Stone June 19).
I love gambling and was reminded recently of something I did back in my “crazy drinking days” back in the early part of 2013, where I was at a blackjack table and after a particularly bad beat I said the F word. The pit boss told me that after 3 F bombs I would be thrown out. I said the F word again exactly where it belonged after the dealer hit on 20, got a 2, then drew another card and got a negative 1 for 21. That didn’t happen but I’m exaggerating for effect. The Pit Boss reminded me “3 F words and then your kicked out.” At which point I asked him how many “C” words I was allotted. If you ever play this joke they give you a personal escort immediately back up to your room. I went back up to my room and came back 30 minutes later in a disguise. A hat and glasses. By mistake I sat at the exact same table and ordered the exact same drink. The same guy escorted the disguised me back up to my room shortly there after. Thank you good night!