It’s Christmas almost, man time flies when you are often blacked out. I will be at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY Dec 22 and 23rd for three shows.
As many, some or none of you know I flew out to LA to work on my friend Rob Schneider’s CBS pilot earlier this year. The show has been revamped and recast since the original pilot and it looks awesome. ”Rob!” with begin airing Thursday January 12th on CBS. Here’s a short promo:
Check out this 2 minute clip from The Wease Show this morning as we discuss an exciting Yanni concert announcement: Click to Play Audio
You can hear more short clips from Wease on the Radio page.
I feel like I made a break through with the unicycling. Today Charlie and I went out for a pretty long ride. I still need to hold onto something to get on the uni, and fall off often, but for goodness sake it only has one wheel. I rode past a group of kids today on my street, they were probably 11 or 12 and they actually applauded as I passed by. Moments later, Charlie drove his mechanical jeep into my wheel and sent me hurling over the hood. They clapped for that too so who knows. Then I overheard one of them say “I want to get one of those” but I wasn’t sure if he meant a unicycle, a mechanical jeep or a dad that embarrasses himself.
First of all before I start, Dog-Lady (a frequent guest of the morning show) who brings in unwanted dogs from Lollipop farm for us to adopt out to accepting families and/or underground dog-fighting outfits, just remarked that Brother Wease’s new tattoo was “not bad.” I’m not sure that’s the compliment you want to hear when you permanently stamp something to your skin.
Anyway, we just did a story about a cop in Ft. Lauderdale who was undercover at a Massage Parlor, sent in to see if there was any sort of “illegal activity” going on. How long of a line do you have to wait in to get this job? Rub and tug undercover guy? On a good day you get a hand zinger and an arrest!? Anyway some folks are angry at this gentleman because he apparently got a good 40 minutes massage before busting the chic. And I say he absolutely did the right thing. You can’t blow your cover! It’s not called a happy beginning. Leave this man alone.
I am not a huge football fan as most of you know but I saw a great game this weekend. I can’t remember the teams that were playing but I do remember that during the pre-game the starting quarterback for the one team was saying it was going to come down to big plays and who could put the ball into the end zone and through the uprights more often. Man was that guy dead on. They talked to the coach at halftime (the coach of the team where clearly the one team had absolutely put the ball into the touchdown area and through the uprights more often then them and was therefore by theory of one quarterback guy winning for sure). The coach had some really insightful things to say. He said they were going to have to start picking up guys on defense, mostly the guys that had been putting the ball into the end zone. And also to be tougher in the red zone. This seems like an especially good idea since that is the most likely place where a player might put the ball into that touchdown area. The end of the game was very exciting with one team winning (having played better defense, avoiding big plays and scoring more points- as predicted) and one team losing (having not picked up the guys on defense making big plays and also being insufficient in the red zone- as predicted.) They grabbed on the of the guys on the losing team as he left the stadium, head down and he actually had a few really cool things to say about how they would play next time. He mentioned that they needed to hit they’re targets more accurately and more often and even said he would go so far as go back to the drawing board which seemed very humbling. So I look forward to next Sunday when this team plays again, and I’m excited because in post game the player suggested that they take it one game at a time which I think is a great plan, as the alternative would be very confusing.
Today in the news they showed some lady who was recently crowned the “heaviest woman in the world” by the Guiness people. What a weird job these Guiness folks have. It must be wonderful at times, and then at other times much more difficult. Wonderful when you get to eat part of the biggest pancake in the world and difficult when you have to tell a woman she is the second heaviest woman in the world. I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is, there is one person more disgusting than you on earth, the bad news is you are the most unknown of the almost most disgusting humans. This lady who made it in weighs over 700 pounds.
Where do you shop for pants? Seriously. I’m not going to make some dumb joke like at the Forever 21 Tons store or at Abercrombie and That’s a Fat Bitch or The Lady’s Gap Hasn’t been seen since the 80′s because that would be so hack. Please I’m above making a joke like saying she shops at Victoria’s Regret or The Big and Tall Men looks Small and Short Next to Her Shop. So let’s move on. There is a gentleman that is married to her, that she actually walked out on. Well the newspaper article said she “walked out on him” but c’mon. I’m not going to use the cheap joke that she couldn’t have walked out on him because she would have just collapsed. Maybe she rolled out on him. She’s in a wheelchair now. How to know you may be gaining a few extra pounds. 1. Your sweatpants feel tight 2. You now travel by rolling chair because even your legs, which are also really huge have decided to call it quits. This lady makes the contestants on week one of the Biggest Loser looks like Amy Winehouse…. now. She’s fat did I mention that? So this guy claims they have sex 6 times a day. Which seems like a lot. She’s really fat guys. I don’t care if it’s quarter to 2AM and the world ends at 2AM I’m not doing that. Well wait. Depending on how the world is suppose to end I might take a shot at jumping in there and then climbing out when the dust clears. I realize that doesn’t close strong but I lost my train of thought.
This is a new blog. Always a lot of pressure on the first post. Don’t want to be that guy that promises the world. Oh, I’m going to blog everyday! Get ready for some blog posts… First of all, I’m not even sure anyone would be out there waiting for these empty promised blogs anyway. I therefore begin with what is for sure my first blog and what could easily be my last blog. Obama may not be president when you read this blog. I may be dead and then this blog takes on a whole new meaning. We could have finally found proof of aliens by then. And I don’t mean “Coast to Coast AM listener proof” I mean actual proof, like an alien in a jar. Not some hick douche giving his first hand account. “Well I knew how big it was based on how it looked in relation to my shotgun and the forty ounce beer can I was holding.” So who knows. I promise nothing. I did however unicycle again today. I can with certainly say that if the unicycle came first, I get how quickly the bicycle was invented because I could certainly see how someone might try to quickly acquire another wheel to make things easier. Much like how quickly the four legged horse was invented after the failure of the three legged horse. I am committed to this new sport though and will update my progress here as I see some. Or not. (See earlier explanation)
Most recent unicycle video: